i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
