i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
