she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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