WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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