Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
