There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
