guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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