i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
