Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
