Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
