Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
