Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
