i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
