direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
