i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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