He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Farmville is her only friend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
