your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
