I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You ruined the universe
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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