Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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