some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
