Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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