Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
