there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
