a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
