When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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