she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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