I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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