In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sober January is a disaster.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
