just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
