dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
