i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
