On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
cat food counts as protein by the way
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
