Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
