Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
