thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
