i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
