is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
