so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
