Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
