it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We got so high we made milksteak
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
