I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
