the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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