I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
