tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
