She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
