After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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