Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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