once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
