If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
