Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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