I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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