i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
