o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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